Sunday, December 21, 2008

mom's christmas letter

Here are my thoughts to Santa. I found this years ago and I changed things around and made it more to fit my lifestyle.
Dear Santa,
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and made over forty Christmas mice and added not just eyes but a candy cane for a tail.I have done more community service this year to set a good example to my little cub scout. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes: * I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have)
*arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. *I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like :
* a fingerprint resistant windows
* a radio that only plays adult music
* a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals
*a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
* I almost forgot my D300 so I can continue to be click happy.
On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" oh wait with technology now Priyasha already has a doll that says that and much more too.On the other hand Pravan does not , can you program him with a chip that says " Yes, mommy " to anything I say instead of debating and negotiating with his dad and I on everything. It drives us nuts but it might be a positive trait in the business world later on in life.
Also do not forget a boost of confidence to my parental skills or should I say the answers to some stuff I may pull out of my a**, along with that two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
I could also use a recording of Alvin and the chipmunks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother,give that back to your sister" because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the cat who also ignores my screams now.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served on one of the kids used plates in the hopes of doing less dishes.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely for the days that I am running out the door to boy scouts and have no time.It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment or a treat as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.
Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always, MOM...
P.S. One more can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.


Melissa S said...

I love is just great!...and true:) Merry Christmas my friend!!

BloomingPink said...

This is sooooooo cute!