Friday, June 27, 2008

Sad news and a heavy heart

Today I had a great day and all was well until now. I read some e-mails and came across one from South Africa. It was from a dear family friend and the news in it was not good. I learned that my mother is very ill and is in the ICU in South Africa. My heart immediately started pounding and I frantically reached for the phone to call my brother who is the only sibling I have that my mother lives with. We are about nine hours of them and it was about 8pm here. I could not even think straight never mind do the math to see what time it was there.

I called anyway and it was 5am there. My brother was awake and getting ready for his day and a visit to the hospital. He was unable to give me very many details so I had to call the hospital. I quickly learned that my mother has hypoglycemia and hypothermia. She been insulin dependent for many years now and something went wrong and her sugar levels dropped. This also caused her to have a mild heart attack. My brother discovered her unresponsive in the morning and had to call a friend to take my mom to the hospital. It is so sad to think about as most of us here have not just one car but two. In South Africa there is a whole other economy made up of bartering, trading and exchanging favors. It is fortunate that it is a tight community and my mom was able to get the help she needed.

She is stable for now but I am a wreck. There are so many emotions and mixed feelings. I wish I could be there and there are discussions of me returning home. Not the ideal circumstances but there is this void that nothing and no one can fill. An emptiness and a heaviness that cannot be shaken. I want it all to go away and everything to be right. Now it is 10:45pm the kids are in bed , hubby is asleep and the rest of the U.S is falling asleep yet way on the opposite hemisphere the day is just beginning and there are so many issues to be dealt with and decisions to be made. Maybe that is why I am a night owl. It is a longing to live two lives at the same time and yet it is impossible. I wish I did not have to sleep and I had Dorothy's red shoes to click my heels and be home again. Where is home ? Will South Africa always be my home or is it right here with the my kids , my family ? I love them all but being so far away is so painful.

I will call in a while and hope to have a chance to talk with my mom. I have to think positive and hope she makes it through this. Okay I just called the hospital one more time and had a lovely chat with the nurse. My mom is doing great and is back to her fiesty self. She told the nurses that she has no idea why she was brought to the hospital and that she needed to go home as she had washed a lot of clothes and needed to go home to hang it all up. That brought a smile to my face.My sweet sweet mom washes all the clothes on a wash stone outside . rinses each one and rinses again is fabric softner before she hangs them out to dry and and then has to watch them so it does not get stolen. I wish that I can remember that when I complain about my laundry multiplying. I feel better but I feel like I want to just crawl into a corner and cry. Maybe I will.